aru's right...

i should shut up, n get off my ass while im at it too.

i need some kinda new motivation! but unfortunately as sad as it may seem, the only things that motivates me are mainly related to shopping.. when i say shopping im not talking about clothes n stuff but more like when i find a new hobby n think 'oh wow thats so cool!! i wanna do that too!' n out i go to spend a load of money on things that i need to start or complete my new hobby.

like for example. i went through a 'architecture is so cool, i want to design my own house n draw a blueprint (even though i don't know how, but i can just make it up =P ) n since architectural computer softwares are too complicated n impossible to understand i'll just go old school n stick to pencil n paper. so i went out n bought like a nice new A3 drawing book with gridded paper, tracing paper, pencils of all sorts like B, B1, H, H2, F, a lump of knead-able eraser and to top it off a few architecture magazines for inspiration to help get my ideas rolling~

i drew one page, 'my future home'...

the other 299 pages are so far still blank, but you never know. i might pick it up again someday right?

what scares me is, i really remind myself of Becky Brandon nee Bloomwood. She is the narrator of the series of books im reading right now called 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'. im sure most of you have heard of it, n im also pretty sure you can guess what its about n why she reminds me of myself.

i always need some kinda muse. n i think photography was it for awhile, until i went to college n got assignments n even then i was always just spending money to produce my photos. buying equipment i don't necessarily need. but the school work was the push. after i graduated i knew i didn't have the talent n i don't want to spend 3 hours in front of the computer retouching on photoshop. so i gave up n i say shit like 'film is better'... maybe film is better, but film is money. see where im getting at?

im kinda disgusted by myself. so i just sit at home n even though its a little sad but atleast this way im not spending money =P